I didn't know that my blog still existed.
It is amazing!!
Looking back at the ups and downs of my twenties,
a tinge of sadness creep into my sunken heart.
So many things have happened over the past years.
Met a new guy, got hitched, engaged and married.
And now, settling into my marriage life.
Got into a new office where everyone around me are strangers.
I've moved into a new house, new office, learning to live with new parents, work with new bosses and subordinates, new colleagues, new managerial role, new environment...
Everywhere was foreign to me.
Mistake was not tolerated.
I had to adapt and move fast.
Fortunately, I adapted well and grew up fast.
I'm slightly happier to be in another part of the island,
though sometimes, I still miss the part I grew up in.
There were so many sacrifices that I have to make;
giving up my personal space to live in a messy house,
moving 40km away from my loved ones to be with my 'one and only'
Was that a wise decision that I have made? I wonder.
Silent tears are shed as I type this...
There are so many regrets, pains, aches.
I can never date the man I used to love anymore.
The man is gone.
The man who used to wait for me patiently without flaring up.
The man who will caress me in his arms whenever I cry.
The man who is always there to hear my rants after a long day at work.
Today, the man was angry because I was held back by a meeting,
and then caught in a slight traffic jam that didn't allow me enough time to send him a text to inform him.
The man walked off knowing that hot tears had stung my cheeks.
At night, if I were to rant about work, the man turns off.
I lost my pair of listening ears.
Throughout our dating life, the man I loved never once called me a stupid.
Today, I lost count of the number of times he has said that.
He said I have hurt him when I told him I started doubting my love for him.
I am hurt to know that the man I used to love has changed, so much.
He was a gentle angel,
a musculine superman,
who was my everything.
Today, a part of me fear his presence.
Another part of me craves for him.
Do you understand my dilemma?
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