Everyone has been praising about my positivity in life.
I'm amazed at my own strength.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm collapsing and tearing into pieces.
I just want to give myself as much time as possible to heal.
I know I'm not ready to love.
Please, protect my heart and let me be at peace.
Enjoy your companionship, and that's the best that I could ever asked for.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013
Fate or coincidence?
I am surprised that I've contributed to someone else's happiness this December.
Still remember months ago, when I left my relationship and was feeling torn apart,
I spoke to this man - he too left his relationship of 3 years.
Both shattered, we shared the same goal in life.
To forget about our past and move on.
Then, somehow, we lost contact.
We found out soon later, that we have patched back to our respective partners again.
We were madly in love, thinking we would work out.
Of course, those were just our silly thoughts.
A few months later, we randomly texted and I remembered him asking me about my Dec plans.
At that time, I remembered my ex telling me how he busy he was, and it was impossible for us to travel.
So I replied him saying that I don't have a plan, perhaps spending time with my family and friends.
He replied almost instantly, and rather casually, that I will be spending time with him, because he is my friend! I agreed. Soon, we did not contact again. I assumed both of us were sinking into our love boats and couldn't bother much about this platonic friendship we have.
Months past and it was October. I finally made up my mind to leave this relationship.
It was a lousy relationship. There is nothing that I wish for it to remain.
I've woken up from my self-denial, to realize that the kind of relationship I once had was so horrible.
Any other guy that I'm dating today, is far better than the one that I had.
Thank God we're over.
The day I ended my relationship, it was a gloomy Friday.
Godma spent the day with me, comforting me and assuring me that I am being wise.
During that period, I constantly questioned my decision.
At times, I almost wanted to give him a call to say how much I've missed him.
At other times, I wish he would just disappear in my life forever.
But today, I hardly remember anything about him, other than his name.
To say that I've completely forgotten about him, it is a lie.
But for a fact, I know that I've moved on completely.
He has been entirely erased off.
A few weeks passed by, and he texted again.
He asked if I would like to go on a cruise with my bf as he couldn't make it.
There, I realize that he had also left his girlfriend!
After much prompting, we found out that it was just 4 days apart.
Is this God's doing, fate, or pure coincidence?
We didn't attempt to reconnect after our loss, I guess we were both healing.
But some things brought us together again.
Just recently, I found out that he has made a similar purchase during the same period.
We had set our eyes on the same brand LED Smart TV and had bought it with warranty extension at the same COURTS!
We were also sent to the same marking centres this year, of which I could vividly remember,
on the first day when I first got down from my car, he appeared.
At that time, on that day, I was single, he was attached.
On the third day, we crossed roads again during dismissal.
We were both single but no one uttered a word.
We have spent many wonderful and happy days together this December.
Just as I thought it would be dreadful and boring especially with my cousins at New Zealand,
God sent an angel to accompany me through this last month of the year.
Last night, I spent 3 hours alone at Jurong Hill.
I've thought through the major events that happened this year.
I smiled, because I know I've become so much stronger after all the tests I've been through.
Just as I was driving out, he texted me and we chatted.
And when I was about to leave, he asked if I was already home.
There were too much coincidences between us, I find it indescribable.
We have also agreed to spend the last day of 2013 together... heading for countdown which I'm highly anticipating the arrival of this day.
Not sure where 2014 is going to lead me, but with him, I feel safe and secured.
Is this a rebound or love?
Both of us are leaving it to God to decide for us. Right now, we're happy and positive about life. We agree to stand by each other in times of needs, and he promises that I can always count on him.
Whether a not we'll be together in future, I thank God for sending such an awesome person in my life.
Thank you God!
Still remember months ago, when I left my relationship and was feeling torn apart,
I spoke to this man - he too left his relationship of 3 years.
Both shattered, we shared the same goal in life.
To forget about our past and move on.
Then, somehow, we lost contact.
We found out soon later, that we have patched back to our respective partners again.
We were madly in love, thinking we would work out.
Of course, those were just our silly thoughts.
A few months later, we randomly texted and I remembered him asking me about my Dec plans.
At that time, I remembered my ex telling me how he busy he was, and it was impossible for us to travel.
So I replied him saying that I don't have a plan, perhaps spending time with my family and friends.
He replied almost instantly, and rather casually, that I will be spending time with him, because he is my friend! I agreed. Soon, we did not contact again. I assumed both of us were sinking into our love boats and couldn't bother much about this platonic friendship we have.
Months past and it was October. I finally made up my mind to leave this relationship.
It was a lousy relationship. There is nothing that I wish for it to remain.
I've woken up from my self-denial, to realize that the kind of relationship I once had was so horrible.
Any other guy that I'm dating today, is far better than the one that I had.
Thank God we're over.
The day I ended my relationship, it was a gloomy Friday.
Godma spent the day with me, comforting me and assuring me that I am being wise.
During that period, I constantly questioned my decision.
At times, I almost wanted to give him a call to say how much I've missed him.
At other times, I wish he would just disappear in my life forever.
But today, I hardly remember anything about him, other than his name.
To say that I've completely forgotten about him, it is a lie.
But for a fact, I know that I've moved on completely.
He has been entirely erased off.
A few weeks passed by, and he texted again.
He asked if I would like to go on a cruise with my bf as he couldn't make it.
There, I realize that he had also left his girlfriend!
After much prompting, we found out that it was just 4 days apart.
Is this God's doing, fate, or pure coincidence?
We didn't attempt to reconnect after our loss, I guess we were both healing.
But some things brought us together again.
Just recently, I found out that he has made a similar purchase during the same period.
We had set our eyes on the same brand LED Smart TV and had bought it with warranty extension at the same COURTS!
We were also sent to the same marking centres this year, of which I could vividly remember,
on the first day when I first got down from my car, he appeared.
At that time, on that day, I was single, he was attached.
On the third day, we crossed roads again during dismissal.
We were both single but no one uttered a word.
We have spent many wonderful and happy days together this December.
Just as I thought it would be dreadful and boring especially with my cousins at New Zealand,
God sent an angel to accompany me through this last month of the year.
Last night, I spent 3 hours alone at Jurong Hill.
I've thought through the major events that happened this year.
I smiled, because I know I've become so much stronger after all the tests I've been through.
Just as I was driving out, he texted me and we chatted.
And when I was about to leave, he asked if I was already home.
There were too much coincidences between us, I find it indescribable.
We have also agreed to spend the last day of 2013 together... heading for countdown which I'm highly anticipating the arrival of this day.
Not sure where 2014 is going to lead me, but with him, I feel safe and secured.
Is this a rebound or love?
Both of us are leaving it to God to decide for us. Right now, we're happy and positive about life. We agree to stand by each other in times of needs, and he promises that I can always count on him.
Whether a not we'll be together in future, I thank God for sending such an awesome person in my life.
Thank you God!
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
I've moved on!!! YAYYYY!
I can't believe that I've moved on in less than 2 months.
Thumbs up to our Hong Kong trip!
Getting drunk was the best thing ever! :)
Blessing in disguise, I've uncovered and discovered the hidden soul.
I've experienced the best and the worst for the year,
and I can confidently say that 2014 will be a better year for me.
I've braved through the storm, and now the rainbow awaits.
I can't describe that butterfly feeling in my stomach when I think of that someone new.
How could I possibly fall for him?!
I look forward to many more impromptu dates with him.
Whether a not we will be as one, I could only pray for us to be happy.
Thumbs up to our Hong Kong trip!
Getting drunk was the best thing ever! :)
Blessing in disguise, I've uncovered and discovered the hidden soul.
I've experienced the best and the worst for the year,
and I can confidently say that 2014 will be a better year for me.
I've braved through the storm, and now the rainbow awaits.
I can't describe that butterfly feeling in my stomach when I think of that someone new.
How could I possibly fall for him?!
I look forward to many more impromptu dates with him.
Whether a not we will be as one, I could only pray for us to be happy.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
My Saturday
Going out to meet one of my bestest Secondary school friends for
movie + dinner + shopping.
I think I've always been right.
I should put love aside until when I'm ready.
Just chanced upon his photo on facebook.
The overwhelming emotions came gushing back.
I thought I was ready to let go and move on.
Like what I've been convincing myself,
when the time is right, the right one will come.
PJJ, I know it's almost time I've to completely stop pinning hope on us.
You must be leading a wonderful life ever since I left.
I think at some point, I do as well.
Still, you have my blessings in your work and life.
Till here, I'll try my best to stop talking about 'us',
but about me :D
movie + dinner + shopping.
I think I've always been right.
I should put love aside until when I'm ready.
Just chanced upon his photo on facebook.
The overwhelming emotions came gushing back.
I thought I was ready to let go and move on.
Like what I've been convincing myself,
when the time is right, the right one will come.
PJJ, I know it's almost time I've to completely stop pinning hope on us.
You must be leading a wonderful life ever since I left.
I think at some point, I do as well.
Still, you have my blessings in your work and life.
Till here, I'll try my best to stop talking about 'us',
but about me :D
My first prata experience!
I've never been so adventurous for the longest time~
I sneaked out of the house at 3am last night just to head down to West Coast for supper!
I admit this man could give me the sense of security that no one else could.
My only wish, is for us to be status quo for as long as we can.
I enjoy his companion, the conversations we hold, the laughter and little secrets we share.
Can we be good friends forever? I don't want to risk losing another someone whom I hold so close to my heart.
Simplicity really, is bliss.
Just love the feeling of sitting in his car, tuning in to kiss 92 and having random talks.
I like how we will try to navigate our way to our destination/home without GPS.
going all the wrong way and making big loops and turns to get back on track.
Everyday together is a learning experience for us :D
Oh yes, and I finally tried prata last night!
Well, just a few mouthful from W, but it was delicious!
The smell of it could send one salivating and craving for more...
Though the one I ordered was not really a prata - chocolate tissue prata.
tall flimsy crepes with chocolate fillings sprinkled all over.
still taste great! <3
I need to learn how to eat with more etiquette in future.
once an entertainment, always an entertainment :)
Managed to remove my dressing today @ NUH.
Doctor commented that my wound is recovering very well, and that I've a high level of tolerance for pain - as usual.
I need to learn how to love myself all over again...
Today's takeaway:
Unless it's mad, passionate , extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them.
I sneaked out of the house at 3am last night just to head down to West Coast for supper!
I admit this man could give me the sense of security that no one else could.
My only wish, is for us to be status quo for as long as we can.
I enjoy his companion, the conversations we hold, the laughter and little secrets we share.
Can we be good friends forever? I don't want to risk losing another someone whom I hold so close to my heart.
Simplicity really, is bliss.
Just love the feeling of sitting in his car, tuning in to kiss 92 and having random talks.
I like how we will try to navigate our way to our destination/home without GPS.
going all the wrong way and making big loops and turns to get back on track.
Everyday together is a learning experience for us :D
Oh yes, and I finally tried prata last night!
Well, just a few mouthful from W, but it was delicious!
The smell of it could send one salivating and craving for more...
Though the one I ordered was not really a prata - chocolate tissue prata.
tall flimsy crepes with chocolate fillings sprinkled all over.
still taste great! <3
I need to learn how to eat with more etiquette in future.
once an entertainment, always an entertainment :)
Managed to remove my dressing today @ NUH.
Doctor commented that my wound is recovering very well, and that I've a high level of tolerance for pain - as usual.
I need to learn how to love myself all over again...
Today's takeaway:
Unless it's mad, passionate , extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Friday, the 13th
Have been so busy this entire day that I have forgotten to check my icon mail.
P dropped 2 emails, urging me to reply, along with burning questions that he needed to know.
So cropped up with work that I find myself suffocating, breathless.
2013 is coming to an end, yes, it is!
I can't let this negativity follow me through.
I need to embrace myself and stand up stronger!
Enough of saying, I need to execute some actions!
On a sidenote, I still can't forget the prawning session we had! :)
It was good, beyond words to describe.
The disparity between the two men is too wide.
one - childish.
The conversation that we hold could only revolve around the present.
He is stubborn, arrogant, self-centred, selfish, has low self-esteem.
age is a factor, but upbringing is the key.
two - mature
one that would engage me in a conversation so intellectual, that sets me thinking about the things I've talked about. I enjoy being ferried around, taken to places I've not explored before, and being led about.
I have to admit I'm mesmerized by his gentleman-ness.
- one who opens the car door for me
- one who always pulls out the chair and have me seated before him
- one who picks up hair from my dish and laugh at the way I hold my chopsticks
YAY to this man with a concrete plan for the future!
Not that I've fallen in love again, I'm out of love.
More sadly, I'm out of shape too.
I hope my second getaway this weekend makes me more determined to forget my ex.
I hope the trip gives me the courage to throw away all his photos in my wallet and the stuff toys he once gave.
No words from you means that you have also given up on us, which I haven't in fact.
31 December 2013 - the last day I will dwell about us, our beautiful love. The day we met, the hug we always thought could last me to the day that I say "I do". I've always imagined how you would go through gate-crashing just to marry me, because I'm the only princess that you once want to be with.
Are we really over?
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Fly the kite, about time.
Really enjoyed my prawning session with WK and friends today :)
Great catch and chit-chat sessions we had!
Headed to Jurong Hill once again, and it was a whole new experience.
Seems like I've left a piece of my heart somewhere.
I'll have a good sleep tonight. <3
May God show me the way... I know He will.
Great catch and chit-chat sessions we had!
Headed to Jurong Hill once again, and it was a whole new experience.
Seems like I've left a piece of my heart somewhere.
I'll have a good sleep tonight. <3
May God show me the way... I know He will.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
27-11-2012
More than a year ago, you penned this down for me.
And today, I know that I have to treat it seriously because we're officially completely over.
"Life is short and time waits for no one... The only thing that stays constant is endless changes... I don't know where life will lead us to in the future... So I just wanna take this opportunity to tell you some things... I think that if life were to separate us one day and we end up in totally different places, I'll always remember how our paths align. I'll be thankful for that. And hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. I think that is the best that we can wish for"
"Some things will never change... just like how I will always love your smile..."
--> For this, I'll continue to smile radiantly for this world. I will not cry I will not ache, I will smile and melt your heart and soul ... :)
New date, yes/no?
This is such a difficult night.
I foresee myself grabbing a ticket, sail to Batam, a place where serenity and peace would greet.
I just want to lay down in my bikini, slap on some suntan lotion, wear my glasses and daze.
Life without you has to go on, isn't it?
There's just this indescribable feeling about where life would lead me to.
hatred or love, fear or grief.
It doesn't matter anymore.
I foresee myself grabbing a ticket, sail to Batam, a place where serenity and peace would greet.
I just want to lay down in my bikini, slap on some suntan lotion, wear my glasses and daze.
Life without you has to go on, isn't it?
There's just this indescribable feeling about where life would lead me to.
hatred or love, fear or grief.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
To heal and be healed.
Finally went for my surgery op yesterday...
Thank God everything was smooth and safe :)
I thank Lord for his presence and healing hands to be upon me all the time,
He is my great Father, who loves me more than I can imagine.
Still, my greatest hope now is to move on, without him lingering around my thoughts all the time.
I've been having difficulty falling in asleep, with those memories replaying incessantly in my head.
I must have been not working hard enough to have these events captured again.
Time - to heal and be healed.
Lord, you hear my cries to reach out to you.
Come walk with me through this trying time.
Give me the strength and wisdom that I need to be whole again.
Turn me into the person you want me to be,
and I commit my entire life into your heavenly hands.
In Jesus' almighty name,
Amen.
Thank God everything was smooth and safe :)
I thank Lord for his presence and healing hands to be upon me all the time,
He is my great Father, who loves me more than I can imagine.
Still, my greatest hope now is to move on, without him lingering around my thoughts all the time.
I've been having difficulty falling in asleep, with those memories replaying incessantly in my head.
I must have been not working hard enough to have these events captured again.
Time - to heal and be healed.
Lord, you hear my cries to reach out to you.
Come walk with me through this trying time.
Give me the strength and wisdom that I need to be whole again.
Turn me into the person you want me to be,
and I commit my entire life into your heavenly hands.
In Jesus' almighty name,
Amen.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Ajisen; a place we used to love.
Our dinner at Ajisen Restaurant brings back wonderful memories.
The meat was succinct, the soup was tasty - just the way it used to be.
But things have changed so much ever since.
We've lost contact and have become strangers overnight.
I still miss you very very much, do you?
I bawled at the fact that I'm still craving for this, even after months of separation.
That the desire to be with you is still so strong.
How did I ever get so deeply in love?
God, I pray that you'll walk with me through this difficult phase of my life.
Give me strength to move on completely, and erase him out of my memory.
I commit my life into your heavenly hands, and to lead the life you want me to lead.
Father God, I know you love me more than anyone else and today, I give my life to you.
In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.
The meat was succinct, the soup was tasty - just the way it used to be.
But things have changed so much ever since.
We've lost contact and have become strangers overnight.
I still miss you very very much, do you?
I bawled at the fact that I'm still craving for this, even after months of separation.
That the desire to be with you is still so strong.
How did I ever get so deeply in love?
God, I pray that you'll walk with me through this difficult phase of my life.
Give me strength to move on completely, and erase him out of my memory.
I commit my life into your heavenly hands, and to lead the life you want me to lead.
Father God, I know you love me more than anyone else and today, I give my life to you.
In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Feeling: Down
I've been in the lowest mood again.
I miss him very very much, not that my life's not good.
But really, I miss his touch and him caressing my hair.
If only he'd feel the same way...
Dear God, pls help me to move on.
I'm still stuck in this past love.
I miss him very very much, not that my life's not good.
But really, I miss his touch and him caressing my hair.
If only he'd feel the same way...
Dear God, pls help me to move on.
I'm still stuck in this past love.
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