argh. i always wonder why I chose maths in the 1st place.

Okay, I'm seated at Yishun Library Cafe Galilee now,
trying to plan my ACM 301 lesson plan (50%) due 18/02/2011

I'm trying VERY hard to modify the question,
think of an alternative solution,
and call it a day cuz bb's booking out very soon.

BUT I'M STUCK!!!

:(

suffering from information overload

praying that the days ahead would just get better...

I'm as happy as this adorable puppy (:

empty resolution

I realized that I had FLUNGED 2 resolutions I made this year.

1. No MC unless I'm really sick
2. Exercise at least once a week

The third one is on the highway... :(

really terrible.

missing you, baby...

I'm struggling to keep my mind awake,
fighting against my runny nose this entire day.

The weather is driving me mad,
it rain and shine every now and then.

Finally finished going through Critical Discourse Analysis (CDA) e-lecture,
which was due last week.
Summoned tonnes of energy to do this seriously.

going to bed soon.
12 hours of studying/working marathon tmrw.
night world.

I really hate CH****s

And so, something unpleasant happened this afternoon :(

Aunt was conned by CHINA CROOKS, which I seriously think they
DO NOT deserve to live in this planet.

*pissed*

aunty has been oh-so-nice.
and i was almost on the verge of crying when mummy told me that she went missing since the entire morning, and everyone was driving around the estate, searching frantically for her.

:'(

the news came too sudden.
i took a long while before i managed to digest them into every single part of my cells.
but still, i'm trying to make sense of how everything had happened.
it really looked and sounded more like a tv drama than a reality.

anyway, i'm glad she's back safe and sound (:
it is everything that mattered now.

it doesn't pay to be nice in this world
other takes you for granted,
sometimes deliberately sometimes unknowingly.
i hate to accept this fact but i'm gradually making sense of why selfish souls exist in this world.

thank you. I'm better (:

Finally, we decided to settle for a heart-to-heart-talk.
it was the day after my birthday.

I needed that talk,
because I knew I had so much to say,
so much feelings bottled up.

bb reciprocated with his warmth and ears,
his attentiveness showed that he cared more than anything.

I'm thankful being able to let go of that pile in my heart.
things wouldn't be any better than this.
(:

The only thing I look forward now,
is celebrating cny with my loved ones, especially bb.
I love his presence during festive occasions,
because he doubles up my joy!

10 days to cny eve! :DDD

My 23rd

I had an awesome birthday celebration with the girls last night.
movie.dinner.cake-cutting.shopping.

simple yet memorable.

thank you girls, for all the effort in making this birthday a BLAST!

the best birthday gift I received this year,
was the birthday card from the lovelies,
raudah, jac, siying and agnes.
thank you.

I always love cards with heartfelt words written in them.

Presents and surprises are temporal.
cards and words are permanent.

An official 23 year-old adult,
I'm gonna make the best out of my life.

(:

Happy 23rd Birthday

On this special occasion,
I'm reminded by my loved ones, that I'm a year older,
a year wiser.

I know it's gonna be an awesome day today.

Thank you everyone who had text/call me so far.
I'm truly touched (:

Expected too much to have fallen this hard.

"There comes a point in your life, when you're officially an adult.
Suddenly, you're old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities.
Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up.
We get taller, we get older.
But do we ever grow up?
In some ways, we do grow up.
We may have families, get married or even divorced...
But for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen.
No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling, forever wondering, forever young..."

I love this exceptional Saturday

I spent a very FULFILLING Saturday with my loved ones today.
They made me feel like I'm never alone in this world.
I wanna thank them for the courage they give,
and the words of wisdom that meant everything.

And I always know the reasons why friends are envious of my family ties.

They are my source of support through good/bad times.
They are the smiles behind my tears.
They are the ones who pick us up when we fall.

.

I'm indeed fortunate to be part of this big family.
I am blessed with all the people in my life,
especially my beloved aunties.

I never know how I would have survived without them these past years.
Each time when I'm stuck in love, they're the ones I confide in.
Each time when I meet with a challenge, they are there to listen and advise.
They have an awesome pair of ears I always craved during those difficult times.
They gave me shelter when I ran away from home many years ago.

They provided me with happiness,
genuine happiness that I could truly feel...

They are the people I never want to lose in my life.

full of envy

I'm envious of

- J's Japan 'honeymoon' with her bf.
- X's Taiwan pre-marriage photoshoot.
- A's cookies baked by her love.
- WY's future house, bought and paid by her husband-t0-be.
- J's life; living off her bf of 4 yrs.
- M's Australia holiday trip sponsored by F's family.
- SY's sucessful entrepreneurship with her bf.

X asked me this the other day.
"How financially stable and secured are you in this relationship?"

I found myself mute.

I know I am nowhere near any of those.
I'm beginning to think...

I can only be an ordinary girl.
I should stop wishing for the world.

allowing myself to be hurt all over again...

I suffered one of the most punishing calls from bb today.

something I never expected would happen.

...

Still remembered how bb reacted last sat when I was there at his camp.

He appeared totally pissed off when we met up after his lecture.

I thought it was because he couldn't locate me.

It was not.

He found out something from my mobile which was totally a HUGE MISUNDERSTANDING.

.

..

...

No clarification was made.

In return, I had to put up with a sulky face throughout the week.

By the end of the week,

I knew something was not right...

.

.

.

Today, the boy finally confessed.

I thought it was entirely a silly and mundane affair.

It has never crossed my mind that what I had done had weigh so much.

It was terrible looking at how we dealt with the problem.

We behaved like some underaged puppy-love kids.

I NEVER THOUGHT THINGS WOULD COME THIS WAY.

I NEVER THOUGHT THOSE WERE THE KIND OF COMMENTS I WOULD RECEIVE WHEN A MAN FLARES UP.

I NEVER EXPECTED SUCH AN UGLY CONVERSATION.

TO THINK THAT LAST SAT, I WAS STILL LIKE A NAIVE GIRL.

*heart-wrenching*

.

.

.

I'm utterly disappointed, with how things have changed.

I'm too upset, with the time taken to make myself clear.

It was a long 5 days before everything was spilled.

*as far as I know, men generally take more time to talk about a problem than a woman does*

It's incredulousy insane to be in this state I'm in now.

Every night when I think of you, silent tears would fall.

I want to be close to you, but I'm doing everything I could to be independent.

I want you to be there with me when I need you,

but there were more times you were not there than you were.

There were times I called because I heard my heart missing you.

Only to know that I had dreamed too much, it's never possible you'll pick those calls.

Trying to convince myself that I'm still standing strong,

I sent a text to say it was an accidental call.

You know how silly everything sounds like now,

and I feel my tears and warmth.

I don't know how else I could do to show my devotion and commitment to this relationship.

For I know, I've no regrets whatsoever with what I had done.

I'm proud of what I had acheived;

to learn to love myself again...

...

Humans often have a choice, whether to be positive about a certain situation, or to be pessimistic about it.

More often, they choose to believe in a worst-case scenario...

passing judgemental remarks before any explanations could be given.

.

.

.

Perhaps,

loving with all your heart is not sufficient anymore.

Love no longer has no boundaries...

It's a Tuesday

My mood has been on a roller-coaster ride since the day school started.
I've not prepared myself well for this new term.
I feel sick thinking everything is back to square.

Headed to tuition after a 3 hr-long maths tutorial this afternoon.
Met up with wt at cck, and we continued the journey tgt.
It was a joyous ride, because she kept me enlightened throughout.

*blood is thicker than water*
how true is that.

halfway through the journey, lydia walked into the train, STARTLED.
It was sucha coincidence and I thank god for making our paths crossed.
We laughed our hearts loud when she strolled in, because her jaws were dropped.
It was as if we were forbidded to take the lrt.
The other passengers were staring at the 3 of us, behaving like some siao-char-bo
But I couldn't bother more.
When you're basked in love and happiness, you wouldn't care how/what others think.

Who knows if our laughters were contagious.
*haha*

And so, I had an intensive 3 hour tuition class with the kids today.
I hope I did drain their brain juice :P

we had a mini meet-the-parents session at 7pm after dinner.
wt and I shared what we thought are good for young children;
motivation.encouragement.supervision.support.conducive environment.rewards & punishment etc.
The parents were awed by the list.
They certainly knew more effort has to be put in to ensure their children's success.

*It's never easy being a parent*

Till here.

1st day of school

School officially reopened today.
After 4 weeks of recharging and replenishing.
(:

I love how everyone welcomed me to school.
The greetings, the smiles, the exchanges we had.
They are the reasons why I love school.

It feels entirely different being in school this sem.
Perhaps, the holiday was too short for me to feel like it's a brand new start.

In fact, I'm already looking forward to 20th Apr 2011 (wed),
because it's the day that I would have my last exam paper.
The day that would mark the end of this tiresome term.

Still,
wishing myself the very best for this semester.
I know this is the last chance for me to do well.

(:

Know what comes to my mind when I sent a text and not get any reply?

Ans: unimportant









Therefore,

NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE.

.

.

.


Because
you'll realise that more often than not,
you'll be given when you least expect it (:

It had been a bad day

Ihadabadwednesday.

I took a long walk home from the mrt station last night.
I needed the walk to compose my thoughts.
I was overwhelmed with sadness when bb called.

I'm lost...

I think,
is best not to expect anything from anyone anymore...

Sometimes, you just need to fall hard to the ground,
and then you'll realise that you're a fool for climbing up so high
and thought that someone would catch you when you fall.

My reply to bb's msg was short; only 3 words...
There was no reply.
I think I know the reason why.

I feel like going for a run despite my sickness.
I wanna drift away from this world.

You had been good...

.
.
.

but I think,
I could be better than this...

Year 3 Semester 2!

I just gotten my LOUSY timetable!
5 modules on a 5 days week


*CRAP*



Monday - ACM 301 3.30-4.30pm

Tuesday - ACM 301 11.30-2.30pm

Tuition at Fajar 3.30-7pm

Wednesday - ACE 301 11.30-12.30, AAE 433 3.30-6.30pm

Tuition at YewTee 7.30-9.30pm

Thursday - ACI 301 9.30-11.30am, AAE 435 3.30-6.30pm

Piano at CCK 2-2.30pm

Friday - ACE 301 2.30-4.30pm

Salsa at NTU 5.30-8pm


I'm going to strive hard this semester, I promise.

I'm down with combo sickness

Woke up with a terrible headache and runny nose...

Text K and told her that I had to postpone tuition today.
She was utterly disappointed, because she was looking forward to my class.
I felt really bad not being able to be there,
cuz we still spoke on the phone the night before.

*my bad*
health's deteriorating.

I have this sudden urge of visiting the National Skin Centre this coming June.
I need to splurge on hair/skin treatment to make myself feel good.
As retarded as this may sound,
I really felt this way.

Sidetrack a little,
I think I hate the fact that school's starting in less than a week.
It is even more annoying to be sick on this last week of my holiday.
I promise to get well soon (:

*hehe*

Even with the fact that school's reopening soon,
my timetable is still not out!

It got me on my nerve trying to check every now and then,
I decided to give foundation office a call.

Me:"May I know when's the release of our timetable? It was stated 3rd Jan in the announcement but apparently, all of us couldn't see our timetable when we logged in.

Lady:"We are trying very hard to release. Maybe you try on 5/6th Jan"

*definitely not a satisfying answer*

I can't plan my tuition, dance and piano schedule.
Everything is SCREWED!

I received Maths prof's email this afternoon.
It stated:
"Attendance will be taken for all lectures and tutorials.
The first lecture commences on 10th Jan, 3.30pm at LT2."

That's it.
No more skipping of lectures for me.
:(

*shall see*

Wishing bb and myself speedy recovery!
(:

GOOD NIGHT!

Me wanna go USS

It seemed like 70% of my friends have magnificient USS photos in their fb albums.
The place looked really ravishing!!!
...

God, when would it be my turn???

The deep hurt from the past

"Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll see that you were in the mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing..."

Indeed, my life changed.

And there are still things that are deeply engraved in my mind...
I can't forget.
My mind tuned into these incidents every now and then...
They caused a severe mental disturbance in my life.


...

At the end,
I know I would always be fine...

It's twenty-eleven. Say BYE to twenty-ten

2011 has been a wonderful year so far.

2010 was filled with mixed feelings; good and bad.
Ended the year with lots of loves from the ones around.
It was truly a blessing...

In 2010, many things happened.
There were uncertainties, anguishes, resentments, appeasments, guilt...

My life took a turning point,
another beautiful chapter unfolded.

These feelings worked in a funny manner...

It had allowed me to mature and grow into a young fine lady...

The year had allowed me to experience the extreme best and worst that any living soul could ever feel.
I couldn't always make sense why it had all happened,
but I'm glad it did (:

....

For now,
I'm willing to give myself the permission to feel happy, to enjoy the sense of pleasure in life (:

I'm thankful for the great twenty-ten.
For the ever-significant difference it had made to me.
I've been consumed with so much happiness in the last few months,
I've almost forgot to comprehend and appreciate the other awesomeness around.

I learned many things.
Of which, the most important is that,

I always have a lovely bb to share my life...

Twenty-eleven.
I am here to welcome you with an open mind and heart.

I'll be the survivor when the year ends.

Welcome to 2011

A brand new year, a brand new start.

It is going to be enriching, and absolutely awesome!!!

1. Maintain at the Second Upper Class Honours

2. Exercise at least once a week

3. Spend NO more than $100 of online shopping each month

4. Finish 5 good books

5. No MC unless I'm really sick

6. Visit the Universal Studio with bb

7. Get my iphone by Year 4

8. Master Canon in D (piano)

EAT PRAY LOVE