By the look of the last entry, I thought I was the most fortunate girl on Earth.
But right now, it appears that we're pretty much over...
In the past, before receiving my love, he'll do anything and everything for me.
it was all so genuine and sincere, and I was once the most blessed woman.
Over time, feelings fade. Communication breaks down, things tear apart.
Feelings are all concealed, and expressing one's true feelings equate declaring a war.
He is ever ready to let me go, by all means. Why am I not leaving for another him?!
Have I ever regretted making that rejection?
I have not lied in what I said. He said that I was dumb to be with him amidst all these shits. He meant what he said, and I took it to my heart. I was worried I can't move on without him in my life, that he will always be imprinted in my mind.
Am I loving him too much to let go, or is this all merely a routine? Someone told me it is very wrong to think this way. I can definitely forget him. I know I could with time, but why am I not resilient enough?
Yes, he's nice. He cares at times, and he tries his best to make me happy. But what he doesn't understand is that, sometimes the fault lies in no one. We're all learning from each other every single day, and we should all never hide our true feelings.
I've always worked hard to have that faith in him, and trying my best to understand him. Knowing that he has worked so hard for our future, I was secretly glad and comforted. Having to work 6 part time with a full time and piano, I thought it has to be worthy of all. I was wrong.
This guy has no confidence in us, because of a mistake/miscommunication/stupidity of me. Yes, another death sentence. Once again, I took the initiative to talk things out. He wasn't interested obviously, because it was already a red card.
I find it extremely difficult to communicate with a man with little words, and one who hides his feelings. For I was aware that he has a lot of bottled feelings, yet believing that I will be happy not knowing them. Silly isn't it?
He's totally a changed man now. He could bear to see me cry and send me to bed with an ache in my heart. He prefers to be called a prideful man than to put down his pride to coax a woman he calls his love? or called?
Being strong is no longer what I'm capable of. The thought of working so hard for a mystery is eating up every of my cells. I could hardly breathe, and sometimes, really wishing he could let me know how much he loves and appreciates all that I'm doing for the future.
With a scan down the text, I've done enough of expressing my gratitude to him, with him reciprocating sweetly. Hardly have I seen one that shows how much he treasures these. Maybe he does, but is all kept within.
Why do I have to go against the entire world for this one man? Love or stupidity? Because I thought it was a love worth fighting for. And that we'll fight it together, not leaving a trace of hope behind. That we will forget all the past and love with all our hearts.
Why do I have the sudden thought of leaving this world?
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