Yet another disappointment

Subconsciously finding myself turning to this pathetic blog whenever I feel like I'm miserably alone.
Why do I not feel like my life's complete and fulfilled?
Why can't I be contented and happy with all that I have?

Is work really draining my energy to think and be wise?
Why are there so many whys that can't be answered?
Why can't I be the type of girl that could give thanks to everyday?
Is happiness ALWAYS short-lived?
Is holding a decent conversation over whatsapp a difficult thing to do?
Is wearing a smile the hardest thing in this world?

WHY?

Is it just me, that this world is so dreadful to live?
Have I not found my MR.RIGHT we could speak right to my heart?
Is it true that expectations come disappointments?

I can no longer be the type of girl anymore.
I can no longer be like how I used to treat him.
I can no longer be that loving girlfriend who understands everything that he does.
I can no longer be the one that says I can stand alone.
Because it's tiring to be constantly trying and trying... to no avail. You sense my heartache?

To lose the man who always understands that you're undergoing one of the toughest battle, he gives his all to you.
To lose a man who will stand by you and listens to you talk through the night. instead of turning to his gaming activities.
To lose a man who could be right there for you 75% of the time when you need him, will his heart and hands to shoulder you.
To lose a man who stops appreciating you for all that had been done... through the whole 3 years.

I am never told how this relationship feels to him, how much he treasures me.
I never know how much I can mean to him, even when we fought to the last minute.
Because the reason said was, he never know how to express himself.
As a girlfriend, she must be able to accept it.

This relationship is a child's play; where we constantly play mind-guessing game.
Because as adults, we do not even behave like one.
And because I know I have fallen in love with one that I should not.

I can't explain the distress I am going through...