allowing myself to be hurt all over again...

I suffered one of the most punishing calls from bb today.

something I never expected would happen.

...

Still remembered how bb reacted last sat when I was there at his camp.

He appeared totally pissed off when we met up after his lecture.

I thought it was because he couldn't locate me.

It was not.

He found out something from my mobile which was totally a HUGE MISUNDERSTANDING.

.

..

...

No clarification was made.

In return, I had to put up with a sulky face throughout the week.

By the end of the week,

I knew something was not right...

.

.

.

Today, the boy finally confessed.

I thought it was entirely a silly and mundane affair.

It has never crossed my mind that what I had done had weigh so much.

It was terrible looking at how we dealt with the problem.

We behaved like some underaged puppy-love kids.

I NEVER THOUGHT THINGS WOULD COME THIS WAY.

I NEVER THOUGHT THOSE WERE THE KIND OF COMMENTS I WOULD RECEIVE WHEN A MAN FLARES UP.

I NEVER EXPECTED SUCH AN UGLY CONVERSATION.

TO THINK THAT LAST SAT, I WAS STILL LIKE A NAIVE GIRL.

*heart-wrenching*

.

.

.

I'm utterly disappointed, with how things have changed.

I'm too upset, with the time taken to make myself clear.

It was a long 5 days before everything was spilled.

*as far as I know, men generally take more time to talk about a problem than a woman does*

It's incredulousy insane to be in this state I'm in now.

Every night when I think of you, silent tears would fall.

I want to be close to you, but I'm doing everything I could to be independent.

I want you to be there with me when I need you,

but there were more times you were not there than you were.

There were times I called because I heard my heart missing you.

Only to know that I had dreamed too much, it's never possible you'll pick those calls.

Trying to convince myself that I'm still standing strong,

I sent a text to say it was an accidental call.

You know how silly everything sounds like now,

and I feel my tears and warmth.

I don't know how else I could do to show my devotion and commitment to this relationship.

For I know, I've no regrets whatsoever with what I had done.

I'm proud of what I had acheived;

to learn to love myself again...

...

Humans often have a choice, whether to be positive about a certain situation, or to be pessimistic about it.

More often, they choose to believe in a worst-case scenario...

passing judgemental remarks before any explanations could be given.

.

.

.

Perhaps,

loving with all your heart is not sufficient anymore.

Love no longer has no boundaries...