I have always taught I'd done extremely well ever since the last relationship... Sadly, I didn't.
Just a day ago, I remembered the blog he used to keep.
Out of boredom/pity whatever, I went to google it and yes, I found it again.
Entries that were penned down more than 2 years ago, when our relationship was thought to have ended, a ray of hope appeared.
The memories were bittersweet... tears streamed down knowing all that was once so beautiful.
Every relationship begins with a happy chapter. But why did it have to go downhill?
That relationship started and ended quickly. In fact, the first year was the only good one. For a fact, I knew I was blinded. Even as things were at its worst, I could be positive and embraced myself. I don't know where I mustered the strength and will to do it. It was amazing...
Today's relationship seems so different from the past. I felt like it's time to move on. This is feeling too strong, I'm finding it hard to resist. I'm not sure how far I can go, but I'm certain I'm stronger to fight for my own happiness this time.
Is true happiness really this tough? :(
Friday, June 8, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
love life sucks.
I don't know what have gone into me, I'm beginning to lose that faith again.
If only he understands what I'm going through, life would have been 10000 times more perfect.
If only he understands what I'm going through, life would have been 10000 times more perfect.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
And so, I have successfully completed my induction at FPS! The weeks there have been amazing, and I've indeed learnt a lot about my profession within the short time span. FPS has made me realized the importance of professionalism being a teacher, the multiple roles that a teacher has to play...these have all become more transparent now that im a BT.
Being too stressed out lately, I have been trying to read up on effective pedagogies and classroom management skills, in the hope that I can bring an impact to my future classroom. Striving to be motivated to do some preparation before flying off to Taiwan, is actually a huge and laborious task. Was given my class and teaching subjects a few days ago. Although I have been put in a department that I'm not best at, I truly know this is another learning opportunity in my career. No matter where it is going to lead me, I shall put in my best and aim for success.
Better said than done, I'm still struggling with my part-time work. How should I go ahead about quitting some but not all? Who shall I give up? I love and enjoy teaching every single pupil in my class, in my care. It's sad to arrive at a point where decisions have to be made, where sacrifice is needed.Like what's always said, teachers more often than not, place their pupils above themselves.I hope to be able to complete at least this calendar year before giving up on any. I'm not sure what's the outcome of all my doings, but there is one thing I am clear about; that I enjoy the kind of life I'm leading. This has to come from my passion of teaching. :)
Being too stressed out lately, I have been trying to read up on effective pedagogies and classroom management skills, in the hope that I can bring an impact to my future classroom. Striving to be motivated to do some preparation before flying off to Taiwan, is actually a huge and laborious task. Was given my class and teaching subjects a few days ago. Although I have been put in a department that I'm not best at, I truly know this is another learning opportunity in my career. No matter where it is going to lead me, I shall put in my best and aim for success.
Better said than done, I'm still struggling with my part-time work. How should I go ahead about quitting some but not all? Who shall I give up? I love and enjoy teaching every single pupil in my class, in my care. It's sad to arrive at a point where decisions have to be made, where sacrifice is needed.Like what's always said, teachers more often than not, place their pupils above themselves.I hope to be able to complete at least this calendar year before giving up on any. I'm not sure what's the outcome of all my doings, but there is one thing I am clear about; that I enjoy the kind of life I'm leading. This has to come from my passion of teaching. :)
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Relationship Matters
We have all arrived at the stage where the relationship starts to fall apart...
I have so much to say when I first came home.
Now it seems like a dagger's piercing through my throat,
feeling the pain and yet couldn't utter a word.
It is easy for one to say that a couple should never fail to communicate.
We all know it.
But talk is cheap, isn't it?
We've all grown so comfortable with each other we forget how we first started.
We assume that our partner knows us well enough the things we want, and our expectations become limitless.
I forgot the times I had a good quality talk with my boyf.
I forgot how we could talk on the phone, through the night until one of us gets too tired to continue.
I forgot how it was like to be looked after and pampered.
I constantly see myself as a teacher, everywhere I go,
with my pupils, with my cousins, and sometimes even with my boyf.
The anxiety and worries for them is always in me, that I should always be responsible for them.
These sometimes, come too huge for me to take it alone.
Because I am just a girl-next-door. I am no superwoman.
I cannot be doing my job 24/7 a week. No one can.
The only source of comfort right now appears to be my colleagues who share the same profession as me.
The time spent with them is the only time we could strip that title off us.
It is the only time we are not reminded of we are, but a normal human being with the need to go crazy and high too. I love the feeling of endless talks and laughters after a week of handwork, with people who truly care, and those with a big heart to listen.
The past 10 weeks of practicum (together with 10 crazy observations) were insane, but I am glad I have embraced it. WELL DONE!
It has been an enriching and fulfilling journey for me, and I'm glad I have made a wonderful bunch of colleagues together with the trainees. This practicum wouldn't have been more perfect without them around.
Now that I have ORD-ed as a trainee and into a beginning teacher (BT), I am ready to take up the challenges ahead. I know this is going to be a tough battle, especially having to juggle with full and part-time work, piano and a half-dying relationship. Nevertheless, I strongly believe that one will never reap fruits without labor.
A person who does not try will never succeed.
A person who tries will succeed one day.
Now that things have come to this stage, I could only wait for a 'miracle' to happen.
It's hard to predict how things would be like in the next few weeks before our taiwan trip, but we certainly look forward to it.
Time shall be the last issue that breaks a relationship, because with good time management, everything is possible.
Enough said.
I have so much to say when I first came home.
Now it seems like a dagger's piercing through my throat,
feeling the pain and yet couldn't utter a word.
It is easy for one to say that a couple should never fail to communicate.
We all know it.
But talk is cheap, isn't it?
We've all grown so comfortable with each other we forget how we first started.
We assume that our partner knows us well enough the things we want, and our expectations become limitless.
I forgot the times I had a good quality talk with my boyf.
I forgot how we could talk on the phone, through the night until one of us gets too tired to continue.
I forgot how it was like to be looked after and pampered.
I constantly see myself as a teacher, everywhere I go,
with my pupils, with my cousins, and sometimes even with my boyf.
The anxiety and worries for them is always in me, that I should always be responsible for them.
These sometimes, come too huge for me to take it alone.
Because I am just a girl-next-door. I am no superwoman.
I cannot be doing my job 24/7 a week. No one can.
The only source of comfort right now appears to be my colleagues who share the same profession as me.
The time spent with them is the only time we could strip that title off us.
It is the only time we are not reminded of we are, but a normal human being with the need to go crazy and high too. I love the feeling of endless talks and laughters after a week of handwork, with people who truly care, and those with a big heart to listen.
The past 10 weeks of practicum (together with 10 crazy observations) were insane, but I am glad I have embraced it. WELL DONE!
It has been an enriching and fulfilling journey for me, and I'm glad I have made a wonderful bunch of colleagues together with the trainees. This practicum wouldn't have been more perfect without them around.
Now that I have ORD-ed as a trainee and into a beginning teacher (BT), I am ready to take up the challenges ahead. I know this is going to be a tough battle, especially having to juggle with full and part-time work, piano and a half-dying relationship. Nevertheless, I strongly believe that one will never reap fruits without labor.
A person who does not try will never succeed.
A person who tries will succeed one day.
Now that things have come to this stage, I could only wait for a 'miracle' to happen.
It's hard to predict how things would be like in the next few weeks before our taiwan trip, but we certainly look forward to it.
Time shall be the last issue that breaks a relationship, because with good time management, everything is possible.
Enough said.
Friday, May 4, 2012
04.05.12
The long-awaited day finally arrived.
I'm not feeling at my best though :(
The feeling that the worst has yet to come,
that I have more obstacles and challenges ahead.
Today seems a long and tiring day without my love.
We haven't been communicating for almost 3 days.
It's not that we didn't have the time to,
but there were so much other hurdles that we couldn't overcome.
I'm pretty upset with myself, with him and every other thing.
I hate it that we have to end the night with a casual text 'night'.
I believe we can do so much better.
I have this urge of taking the first move, of patching things up.
but the question of 'why me?' keeps haunting.
I'm moving in and out of the shadows of my past relationship.
Something is failing, and I'm afraid.
Baby,
All I wish is for you to hold me, and never let go...
I'm not feeling at my best though :(
The feeling that the worst has yet to come,
that I have more obstacles and challenges ahead.
Today seems a long and tiring day without my love.
We haven't been communicating for almost 3 days.
It's not that we didn't have the time to,
but there were so much other hurdles that we couldn't overcome.
I'm pretty upset with myself, with him and every other thing.
I hate it that we have to end the night with a casual text 'night'.
I believe we can do so much better.
I have this urge of taking the first move, of patching things up.
but the question of 'why me?' keeps haunting.
I'm moving in and out of the shadows of my past relationship.
Something is failing, and I'm afraid.
Baby,
All I wish is for you to hold me, and never let go...
Friday, April 20, 2012
DONE with obs!
I'm finally done with all 10 observations.
*give myself a pat on my back*
Just as I thought this is the best weekend to indulge in some fun,
I was completely wrong.
Bf was totally caught up with stuff in camp,
I had 3 tuitions to do,
and piles of compos to mark.
There again, to comfort myself,
I shall treat myself to some retail therapy with cousin/ex-colleague.
I want to watch the midnight show alone in my room.
not thinking about work and love.
This has to be my weekend.
*give myself a pat on my back*
Just as I thought this is the best weekend to indulge in some fun,
I was completely wrong.
Bf was totally caught up with stuff in camp,
I had 3 tuitions to do,
and piles of compos to mark.
There again, to comfort myself,
I shall treat myself to some retail therapy with cousin/ex-colleague.
I want to watch the midnight show alone in my room.
not thinking about work and love.
This has to be my weekend.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Practicum 2
I'm more than halfway through my practicum, and I guess
everything has been pretty fine. *positivity*
Completed 7 observations so far and I can't wait to clear everything in the next 2 weeks.
The bits and pieces of silly stuff are too laborious to mention.
Some things are better kept unsaid.
For what's been done, I have no regrets.
And I think I know myself best than to have a person barely knowing me for a month to judge.
Outgrow that phase of drowning in sadness over GRADEs.
Have been self-reflecting to better after every lesson.
Taping my own lesson to see where I've overlooked, how I can improve as an educator.
And in this education industry, there's no other person to better understand the situation than our very own colleagues.
More often, I need that genuine pair of ears to know how I really feel, to make me see things from another perspective.
And my final wish for 2012 is to get me out of this school. Because there's nothing worth staying, other than my fellow colleagues/teachers who's always there to brighten up our teaching life :) HAHAHA.
May my posting school be one that is IN MY FAVOR.
Signing off,
Ms Ong :/
everything has been pretty fine. *positivity*
Completed 7 observations so far and I can't wait to clear everything in the next 2 weeks.
The bits and pieces of silly stuff are too laborious to mention.
Some things are better kept unsaid.
For what's been done, I have no regrets.
And I think I know myself best than to have a person barely knowing me for a month to judge.
Outgrow that phase of drowning in sadness over GRADEs.
Have been self-reflecting to better after every lesson.
Taping my own lesson to see where I've overlooked, how I can improve as an educator.
And in this education industry, there's no other person to better understand the situation than our very own colleagues.
More often, I need that genuine pair of ears to know how I really feel, to make me see things from another perspective.
And my final wish for 2012 is to get me out of this school. Because there's nothing worth staying, other than my fellow colleagues/teachers who's always there to brighten up our teaching life :) HAHAHA.
May my posting school be one that is IN MY FAVOR.
Signing off,
Ms Ong :/
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