心情是自己决定的。
Godma told me this last week over lunch.
I'm slowly making sense of it :)
Just a few days ago,
I was still struggling with myself,
questioning the reason for this rls failure in my life.
Whenever I think about him, I could easily cry...
I remembered how I teared eating my burger the other day,
and how I always feel like throwing up at the end of each meal...
Even during dinner awhile ago...
Am I anorexic?
But today, I finally made up my mind.
I made up my mind to be STRONG and TOUGH and to move on...
I should stop brooding over smth that will never happen again...
It is a hard decision, because a part of me says we're always meant to be.
And we're still. Silly isnt it?
It was so painful to see him everywhere around me,
I had to be cruel to myself.
I started throwing all the soft toys away...
And sis commented "You must have love him so much to do all this..."
I think she's right.
Never knew where I got the courage to do all this.
Anyway. I'm glad I have alot of distractions to keep me going...
xxx has been really nice and sweet...
Perhaps the old me would have been very touched by his actions/words,
but I'm not.
The random group of people that keep me company every weekday/weekend that my usual gang is thinking that they're losing me... Feeling so blessed.
Thank you Lord.
Godma's words on Mother's Day made me see the depth of my Father's love.
"Thanks dear :) U have been a blessing to me :)"
Slowly and gradually, I'll move out of winter, and into autumn/spring...
I'll be able to stand up once again, sturdier this time.
God bless.
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