Today's Feeling: Blue

Feeling the Monday blue today.
Are you feeling just the way I am?
I've been thinking about our relationship this entire day.
Still living in the denial stage.

PSLE Marking Day 1 was dead boring.
Only cleared one stack of recording.
Parked and saw WK the moment I came out from the car.
He was smiling radiantly, all ready to 'welcome' me into the marking centre.
Was indeed glad to see so many familiar faces, though I still prefer to see my children instead.
Perhaps, that because I always love to stay in my comfort zone.
He was my comfort zone, a place where I feel safe and warm.

Slept the entire evening when I came home,
was reluctant to head down for tuition but still went on.
It's time to leave my work, and seek peace and love elsewhere.
After 5 years of battling, I'm exhausted.
I wish to slow down my pace to enjoy the serenity around.

Year-end Australia trip, should I or shouldn't I?
I vow to give myself one year to get over us.
One year to move on.
Then again, 365 days seem too long a time...
I can do better than this, I know.

And last night, J told me something before we ended our conversation.
J: "Go sleep, God will send you a preview of your future husband'
True enough, I saw someone in my dream.
It was so real, but I cried and retaliated.
You know the reason why.

I've been pondering a lot about the 4 years we have spent together.
I could still remember the last movie we watched.
"We're the Millers" at Cineleisure.
We were still so lovely and sweet.
The last steamboat we had, at Bugis, indulging in some quality time tgt.
The last flight that we took, although it was more adventurous than expected.
The last night that we slept, on the day I came back from Bangkok.
and the last Nakhon that we had, just before I took off.
But I just couldn't remember the last heart-to-heart talk we had...

I've always thought I hold a special place in your heart.
I know you best, and support you in your decisions that you made.
On your bad sales day, I sacrifice my sleep just to talk to you, hoping that I could make you whole again.
On good days, I rejoice with you, knowing that you've achieved a level higher.
4 years ago, you promised that you could give me a better life after your national service.
I waited patiently.
Now that the days are here, I was told that I'm no longer important in your life.
Your priorities have shifted, and I'm no longer in you anymore.
I'm always put off to a later date.
I'm always expected to understand your schedule and to speak to you only when you have the time.

When I finally decide that this is enough, the hurt inflicted has become too much.
Every night, I die a little more, accepting the fact that we're over.