Today's Feeling: Immuned

Today as I browsed through some of our past photos, I could still feel a tinge of sadness and lost.
I still do miss him a lot...
PJJ, did you miss me today?
I wonder, have we become strangers overnight?
When I looked through our Vietnam photos, I was reminded of what he told me when we missed our flight; that it was not meant to be.
I remembered how he was so ready to let go of me, even when I was trying so hard to fight for us.
Now that I've waken up from my dream, I realize how the series of events have led me to this conclusion today; that I have to GIVE UP.
You know, the reason I'm still so strong, is knowing that one day, perhaps some day, we'll return and be like how we used to be.
R said: "Please use your intelligent mind and evaluate the situation. He does not want you anymore!"
But I sincerely believe that we're not over. I know that our love is special.
Or at least, I know I've loved this man wholeheartedly, and has given all that I could.
Le sigh, why am I so silly?
Work has replaced him in my life, and I'm finding myself drowning in more dept work, with my name appearing everywhere on the to-do list.
I'm happy, cuz it keeps my mind off him.
I enjoy staying in school till it closes, because office is the only place I think of him the least.

Dear Lord,
I pray for your presence in my life. I pray that you will reveal more of you to me each day, and show me the way that you want me to take. Thank you for staying by my side, protecting me and ensuring that I'm safe wherever I go. Thank you for all the wonderful people you have put in my life, to make this journey less saddening and disheartening. With you, Lord, I know you will be able to help me to walk out of my darkness very soon, and to overcome my fears of meeting new people. Help me to see that there are still good guys around, and give them the opportunity for me to open my hearts. Right now, Lord, my heart is dead. Help me to move on with a soften heart, with a heart that still cares and loves, to the rightful person. And if he's the one for me, Lord, show me to him.
I pray this in J's Almighty name, Amen.